


Proper Hatred

by erikahk



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Withdrawal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-22
Packaged: 2017-12-06 03:58:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/erikahk/pseuds/erikahk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A "Broken Ties" AU. Tyre's betrayal was real, so there is no in-the-nick-of-time rescue, and the Wraith tries to turn Sheppard. They still find a way to beat the Wraith, but once they're back on Atlantis, and both Sheppard and Ronon get through the withdrawal, Ronon has to deal with his guilt.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Proper Hatred

**Author's Note:**

> This was written to laughtersmelody in the sgahcchallenges comment fic exchange.

Fire runs raw on his skin, burning, itching and carving inside him. John attempts to tear it away, but finds himself unable to, tight restraints digging into his wrists. He yells and cries out, trashing and banging, wanting to do nothing more than killing those bastards that put him there. He wants to scream their traitorous minds away, but the only sound that his throat makes is a coarse growl of agony.

His back arches and he squeezes his eyes, biting his lips until his teeth sink into the holes they had made there. He slams his fists into the mattress as his body convulses and his eyes release the tears he was unable to hold.

He is heaving for oxygen, curling and stretching his body, tossing and turning until he collapses from exhaustion and he can do nothing more than whimper and cry, begging for release from the torture.

They never listen. They just leave him there alone and in pain, not even bothering to wipe away his tears. The wraith are gone, all of them, and abandoned him for good. John hopes he could escape. Hopes he will be able to squeeze his hands away from the binds restraining him and run away, call his masters, yell their names until they can come in and pick him up.

But it does not happen.

John cries quietly and turns his face away from the glass above, blaming himself for failing and getting his masters killed. He knows he deserves this punishment for the treachery that resulted from his failure. It was his fault they were gone. John sobs and buries his head on the pillow to hide the wailing that follows.

In between sobs, snot and tears, John apologizes them. He calls out their names and yells how sorry he is for failing, begging for rescue, begging for escape. Begging for the wraith masters to return and give him a new chance.

John trashes in bed as the pain increases, digging his nails into his palms until they are slippery with blood.

Someone enters the room and approaches his bed. John lashes out and is satisfied at the jump it caused her. Teyla. The one above all that should serve the wraith for the great gift she was given by them. He yells at her, calling her names he never used before and screaming the price she will pay once he gets out of there to revel their secret location. He promises blood and vengeance, but her face doesn't change and, instead of retreating, she steps closer to his bed.

John scrambles to get away from her touch, his wrists bleeding with his will to snatch her hand and break it. She wipes his face and uses low soothing words that have no effect on him. John arches up, screaming at the top of his lungs for her to stay away. She hold his hands and John turns his touch to squeeze her bones, but finds he is too weak to do so. She then leaves with the promise of returning.

+++++++++

Ronon slowly opens his eyes and sees Sheppard still sleeping in the bed next to his. Ronon sees the dark under Sheppard's eyes and all the cuts and bruises throughout his face and the visible parts of his body, anger boiling inside him.

Ronon turns his face away and shuts his eyes, nails digging in his palms. It is his fault Sheppard is in that bed now. It is Ronon's fault and no one else's.

He was the one that presented Sheppard to the lead wraith. He was the one that watched in contentment and satisfaction as his friend was tortured and sucked dry right in front of his eyes, only to be brought back so it could start all over again. Ronon enjoyed hearing Sheppard's screams of agony, knowing that very soon Sheppard would be asking for it the same way Ronon had been.

Ronon obeyed the wraith and acted as their puppet as they ordered him to beat Sheppard to submission just to watch him break. Ronon enjoyed it.

Ronon turns back to face Sheppard and looks at the healing marks, the swelling almost gone, but still there for Ronon to see. He swallows the emotion building up inside and just wants to scream and trash out of the infirmary to hide and punish himself.

When Sheppard opens his eyes, Ronon sees his confused face. Sheppard blinks slowly then turns around, his eyes focusing on Ronon.

"Hey," Sheppard says.

"Hey," Ronon responds. "How..." Ronon doesn't know how to finish. Words seem so small compared to how Ronon feels. Compared to his betrayal, the blame and the weight inside him. "How do you feel?"

Sheppard turns to face the ceiling. "Okay."

"I'm..." Ronon clears his throat. He knows he can't avoid this, so he gets on with it. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, Ronon." Sheppard turns to face him.

"I did this." Ronon looks down. "I betrayed you."

"No, you didn't." Sheppard's voice is fierce. "You didn't, Ronon. It..." Sheppard takes a deep breath and Ronon turns back to look at him. "It's a nightmare no one should have to endure." Sheppard turns away from Ronon's gaze.

"I still... I still can't..." Ronon sags back into his pillow.

Sheppard shifts in his bed and Ronon senses his stare. "You should hate the wraith, not yourself."

Ronon turns. He remembers saying that to Sheppard once and smiles. Ronon goes back to staring at the ceiling and is finally able to close his eyes and sleep.

**The End**


End file.
